Listening to Dr Esther Perel and Dr Adam Grant talk all things ‘trust at work’ on his podcast Worklife one thing jumped out at me and so I listened and re-listened and re-listened again to the dynamic of the conversation and to really understand one powerful insight.

As a foremost expert in relationships both at work and outside work Esther Perel talks about the cycle of relationships in 3 stages: harmony, disharmony, repair.

Relationships that build and grow, get deeper and stronger, more connected and ultimately more trusting, are ones that will go through this cycle.

Think about your strongest relationships both within and out of work. When moving through the cycle of Harmony – Disharmony – Repair, these are the relationships that will typically build trust, perspective and strength.

What are our thoughts and experiences?

If we always stay in harmony, then so much is left unsaid.

If we don’t venture into having an uncomfortable conversation, how can we share different perspectives respectfully? How can we grow a relationship?

If we jump to disharmony and stay there, we know this is ineffective and energy wasting. It is also destructive emotionally and not useful.

Disharmony to Repair is the art of the conversation. The art of being able to build trust through dialogue and have an open mindset of positive regard. This is easier said than done in both our work and personal lives. Knowing how and learning when to have these quality conversations to be an effective team mate, leader, friend, parent or partner is essential in our busy and disconnected lives.

Leadership Conversations (Leader as Coach) is our signature, practical leadership program. If you are keen to learn how, we are keen to share.

We shape our relationships everyday through the quality of our conversations.